(swoosh)
- Move! - Let's go, let's go!
(horn blares)
We did it, right?
Whoa! What the hell are you doing?
- (man) G-Girl! - (man #2) It's G-Girl!
Gun!
(crowd chants) G-Girl! G-Girl! G-Girl! G-Girl!
Wow. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
The ability to blow myself.
That's quite a visual.
- But wouldn't it seem a little... - Gay?
- No, not at all. Think about it. - Yeah, really? It seems that way.
Oh, dude. Check her out.
Ooh. Wow.
What do we have here? Kind of uptight librarian on the outside,
ready to rumble on the inside.
- Go ask her out. - No. I'm not ready yet. I can't.
Oh, Matt. You're killing me.
Your last insane girlfriend dumped you, like, six months ago.
I would have ploughed my way through half of SoHo by now.
That's cos you're soulless and shallow.
It is a blessing.
Go over there. Talk to her. Do it.
- Matt, say hi. Give me your bag. Come on. - OK, OK.
Yes.
All out. Be strong. Breathe.
Eye of the tiger.
Hi.
Excuse me. I know I don't really know you, but you look like a very interesting person,
so at the risk of totally humiliating myself,
I thought perhaps sometime I might buy you a cup...
No!
(mouths)
It doesn't have to be a cup of coffee. It could be whatever you want. A cup of anything.
Juice? Hey!
Hey!
Somebody stop that guy!
That's right. You better run, asshole!
Keep running, my man! You don't want any of this. Keep running.
Yeah!
- What did you call me? - Oh, shit!
What did you call me?
Idiot.
- (clang) - Come on! Get out of there.
Let's go! I know you're in there. Get out of there!
Whoa!
Hey. How about it, huh?
So how about that cup of coffee? Or it could be something more substantial.
- Like dinner? - Yeah. That'd be great.
- Matt Saunders. - Jenny Johnson.
Jenny Johnson. Wonderful name. You got the whole alliteration thing going.
I grew up with a guy named Francis Freddie Friedman.
A bit of a klepto, not the kind of guy you'd want over if you had spare cash laying out.
Yeah, right. Right.
So, um... May I get your number?
Oh, I'm sorry. I don't give it out. Privacy issues. I'll take yours, though.
- OK. Actually, I don't think I have a pen. - I do.
Thanks. Isn't this something women do just to blow off losers?
Yes, women do do that.
But that's not how I blow off losers.
(# "Everything's Right" by Matt Wertz)
Hey, Saunders, heads up.
- Oh, you have bad reflexes. - You know, you're a danger in the workplace.
Do you have the bathroom layouts for the Beijing presentation?
- I'll take a look at those. - I finished them up last night.
- Hey, Hannah. - Hey, Vaughn.
- Looks good. - Thank you.
What about... Is this OK?
It's a bit tight, but I talked to the structural engineer...
- How's your boyfriend? Isn't his name Rick? - Steve. He's good.
He just got back from Milan. Look at this.
- Milan? - Yes, his new Joe Boxer ad campaign.
Wow. He's buff. Are you into that?
I would think this is more your style. What do you think?
Two months in a gym, a personal trainer and the right steroids, I look like that or better.
- Here you go. - Thank you.
- What are you doing?! - Huh?
Hey, Carla. Nothing. Just reshelving some reference material, trying to stay ahead.
- You were staring at her butt. - He was?
- No. No, I was not. - Yes, he was.
Hannah, as you know, we have a zero-tolerance policy for this behaviour.
I actually read that memo twice. I got it.
You should be familiar with this part.
Would you like to file a grievance at this time?
Um... I don't think so, Carla.
Because, as your supervisor, I am officially giving you that opportunity right now.
And I thank you for that, but I think I'm just gonna let this one slide.
That's completely your decision.
- Will you sign a statement to that effect? - Sure. Yes.
- You are lucky this time, Mr Bottom Watcher. - (phone rings)
- Hello? - Matt? Hey. It's Jenny Johnson.
- Hey, Jenny. I wasn't sure I'd hear from you. - So are we still on for dinner?
- Dinner? Absolutely. That sounds great. - Is that a girl? A real, live girl?
A great new Indian place on Madison just opened up. Eight o'clock?
Indian? Love it. I'll see you tomorrow night.
OK. Great. See you. Bye.
Saunders! Do you have a date?
Got a date. And it's a hot one.
So the assistant curatorjob's really perfect for me.
I was an art history major in college. It's the only thing I'm good at.
At least, the only thing I'm good at I can make any money off.
- That sounded like I was talking about sex. - No. No, it didn't.
Believe me, I didn't mean sex.
- I mean, I am good at sex. - I'm sure you are.
- Now it sounds like I'm bragging. - No, no.
I think I'm good at sex. I don't know, you decide.
Me?
But not tonight. It's our first date.
Yeah.
So what do you do?
I'm a project manager at a design firm.
We design and build private estates, libraries, hotels, that sort of thing.
- Yeah, right now, we're... (fades out) - (police radio)
- I'm sorry. Am I bothering you? - What?
No. No. Um...
I was just trying to listen to something.
I don't hear anything.
Excuse me. I'm sorry. I have to go to the bathroom.
Sure.
(sirens)
(phone rings)
- Yo, how's it going? - Well, she's a talker, yeah.
- Only question is, will you sleep with her? - That's the only question, huh?
Yes. I'm notjust talking about your date tonight. I am talking about life in general.
- That is the only question. - What's going on there?
Uh, some big fire at 73rd and Broadway. Everything's burning.
- Is anyone hurt? - I don't know. Probably.
It's blocking my way to the gym.
My thoughts are with you in this time of crisis.
(swoosh)
Wow! Oh, man!
- What's going on? - It's G-Girl! She's doing her thing.
Are you serious? You lucky SOB. I've never even seen her in person.
How does she look?
She looks...
- What? - Blurry. But still pretty hot.
Yeah? What's she doing now?
She's spinning around like one of those things that spins.
Amazing. That's unbelievable.
Yeah. It's so cool.
- Oh! - (crowd cheers)
Yes. That's it, show's over. She put the fire out. Fantastic.
(crowd chants) G-Girl! G-Girl! G-Girl! G-Girl! G-Girl!
Oh! OK.
And she's gone. Flew off into the sunset. Amazing.
Unbelievable. Hey, why do you think they call her G-Girl?
I don't know, like, "gorgeous" or "G-force"? I'm not really sure.
What do you think about "good kisser"?
I can't believe I missed that. I'm eating Indian food.
Oh, wait, no, no. "Goddess woman".
- What about "G-spot"? - I gotta go. Bye.
Whoo!
Huge line. Sorry. It was a really, really long line.
- You got a little something on your chin. - What? Oh. Oh.
- I hate when that happens. - When what happens?
Mystery smudges.
- Gotta go to the bathroom. - Um... You didn'tjust go to the bathroom?
Are you keeping track? That's kind of creepy.
- She sounds like a nutcase. - So you're saying she's perfect for me?
Crazy women are attracted to you.
It's like you give off a scent.
You should do a background check on her.
What do you think? Shall we keep these walls brick or make it stucco?
- Did you kick the plug? - I don't know.
- Let me handle this one. - All right.
- Don't do that. - Don't do what? What are you talking about?
You mean this?
Hey!
Sexual harassment's a two-way street. Don't think cos I'm a guy you can manhandle me.
Hey! What the hell's going on here?
- Oh, no. Sorry, her... - Steve.
Her computer had gone down. I was plugging it back in.
- I'm screwing with you. I'm not worried. - Oh. None taken.
- I missed you. - I missed you too.
- Not here! - Sorry.
See, Saunders? You need to be with someone who appreciates you, like Steve here.
Yeah. I'm looking for Mr Right. Haven't found him yet, though. Not given up.
- Steve Ballard. Nice to meet you. - This is Matt. You've met him, like, five times.
- Oh, right, right. Sorry. - It's OK. I'm a very forgettable person.
When I was growing up, I'd come down to breakfast and Mom would scream,
call the cops on me.
- It's ajoke, right? Yeah. - Yeah.
- It's a good one. Got me back. - Hey, baby, we should be going to lunch.
Hey, Saunders, that woman is trouble. Do not call her.
(# "Everything's Right" by Matt Wertz)
- OK, we're done. - What happened? We just started.
That's it. No. I got a twinge.
Dude, you should definitely call her back.
- Yeah? You think I should? - Oh, yeah.
Cos she's good to go.
And you haven't gone in six months.
Oh, yes. Plus, what's the downside?
I don't know. She seems a little, uh... She's neurotic, you know. And distant.
That's good. That's a good thing. Neurotic and distant is a very good thing.
Yeah, neurotic women are hellcats in bed.
(meows)
Plus, if she's distant, you're both in it for the same thing.
Coitus maximus.
There's no, "Could she be the one? I'm falling hard for her" kind of crap to get in the way.
It' s just pure carnal nirvana.
- Your argument's repugnant and intriguing. - That's kind of my thing.
- Oh, hey. - Hi. Oh, wow. Thank you.
- You're welcome. - A rose.
Different colour roses mean different things.
Red ones mean passion or love, so this is great.
But I'm not saying I think you're telling me that you love me.
I mean, it's absurdly early for that.
But you never know. Maybe someday.
Or never. No pressure.
Let me get us a cab. Taxi.
Taxi!
Hey, it's stopping.
Here we go.
You OK?
At least we got a ride.
Can we stop by the gallery? We opened a new show.
Sounds great. Hey, thanks for stopping. Appreciate it.
Wow.
Wonder what she's looking at.
Ouch! That's gotta hurt.
So what do you think?
It's interesting. And a little disturbing.
I know. It's surprising how frightening things attract us.
Matt, I have to help people every day, and nobody's ever helped me except you.
You're my hero.
(Jenny groans)
I'm sorry. What is it? Tell me.
It's your tongue. You're using it all wrong.
- What are you talking about? - You shouldn't stick it out like a dead fish.
You're supposed to flick it a little.
I think that I was flicking it, wasn't I? I was doing that.
- No. Not enough. - Really?
I'm not used to having my tongue skills critiqued like this, OK?
Maybe not to your face.
Oh, man.
Let me help you.
Close your eyes.
Now do what I do.
So, uh... this is my place. I redesigned the space when I bought it.
- It's nice. - Thank you.
This is the dining room. Doesn't get a lot of use.
- Well, I could help with that. - OK.
This is my fish. That's Biggie Smalls.
Hi, Biggie.
He's... he's never met a woman before.
(Jenny) Well, he's about to get en eyeful.
- Will you show me the rest of your place? - OK.
I'll take you over to the kitchen.
That's the refrigerator. I can get you a juice, a beer.
I'll make you anything. Yeah.
I'm not thirsty either.
- And this is the, uh... - Bed.
Oh, that's a great sweater. Wow.
What a blouse. Let me help with those buttons.
(gasps)
- I'm sorry. I need the, um... - Oh, yeah. The bathroom? It's right there.
She goes to the bathroom a lot.
I'm ready.
That's what I call structural integrity.
All right! You should have been dressed like that all night.
You look great.
- Let me help you with this. - (rip)
Ooh.
- I must be a little nervous. - It's OK.
I got a closet full of 'em. Let me handle this one, though.
- Let's take care of these. - OK.
(rip)
Thanks.
Who'd have thought we'd have ended up like this after that day on the subway?
Ain't life grand?
- Matt? - Yeah?
Do you mind if I get on top?
Trust me, it's better that way.
10-4.
Are you ready?
- OK. - OK.
- Here we go. - (bed slides)
Wow.
OK, I get it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoo! Whoo!
Oh, goddamn!
OK, now I need a break.
Agh!
I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one.
- A bed or a penis? - Both.
(# "The Joker" by Fatboy Slim featuring Bootsy Collins)
# Some people call me the space cowboy
# Some people call me the gangster of love
# Yeah
# Some people walking around calling me Maurice
There are three moments I will remember until the day I die.
One, the look on my father's face when I graduated from Harvard Law School.
Two, helping a beached mother whale give birth.
And three,
you and me together, here, tonight.
Don't speak to me again, ever.
(Matt whistles)
Uh-oh. Oh, no.
Water, please. Got a big night.
No, no, no.
Don't tell me. You have invaded the female nation and spread your democracy.
What can I say? She's completely different than I thought she was.
- Hot, though, right? - Unbelievably hot.
I don't even know if I should tell you this. I don't know if you can handle it.
I can handle it. Please?
- She broke my bed. - Wow.
Busted it to pieces.
- And that's a good thing, right? - Yeah. That's a good thing.
- I'm gonna see her again today. - What are you talking about?
No! You have sex with her once and then you move on.
Not if you get on the greatest ever roller coaster, you don't. You get back in that line.
Get in line, ride two or three more times, throw your hands in the air and scream.
But soon you're gonna end up nauseous.
Hey, guys.
- How are you guys doing? - Keep that safety bar clamped down.
OK, I think you are gonna like this. I have a little present for you, Saunders.
- Anything for me there? - No. No, Vaughn.
- You have nice ears. - Thank you.
- No lobes, though. - An imperfection. We all got 'em.
Not me. Hey, so I downloaded some Chinese phrases for you, for the presentation.
- What do you think? Thought it might help. - That's great.
- I thought it would help. - You're the best, you know that?
I know. I am.
Well, I gotta get going. I'm going to see Jenny.
- You're seeing Jenny? Again? - Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh. Things must really be going well. - She broke his bed.
Thanks. That was really thoughtful of you.
- Oh, no problem. - I'll see you two later.
- See you, Matt. - Look after her, OK?
I will.
- Man, he's seeing Jenny again? - Just a few more times.
- Matt Saunders? We're gonna take a ride. - Wait a second! Hey! Wait!
Hey, now, look. I don't appreciate being manhandled...
What's going on?
- Mr Saunders, thank you for your time. - OK. Now, who are you?
Who am I? Do you watch television, Mr Saunders? Read the papers?
- Use the net for anything other than porn? - You're that Bedlam guy.
- Professor Bedlam. - The "supervillain".
Please, I am not super, I am not a villain. I'm just a regular man, like yourself,
with 10,000 times more money, intelligence and taste.
OK, so what do you want from me?
Are you seeing anyone, Mr Saunders?
Are you asking me out? Ow!
I want you to tell me everything you know about your new girlfriend.
- Jenny? - Yes. Jenny.
Where does she like to go? What does she like to do?
What music does she listen to? Is she afraid of bugs?
Is she a dog person or a cat person?
- Does she wear panties... - OK, now, look. Hold on just a goddamn...
Now, look. It's gotta stop with the slapping, all right?!
I just don't feel real comfortable telling you, a total stranger, someone's private habits.
You gotta understand that, right?
Of course.
(screams)
Please, someone! Help! Help!
Save me! Please!
(phone rings)
Weasel!
Hey! Help! Yeah, you! You!
Get somebody from the Park Service!
Oh, jeez!
No! Help me! Oh, no!
Oh, my God!
- G-Girl! G-Girl, you saved me. Thank you! - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Whoa! Hold me! Hold me! - Don't look at me!
- But I just wanted to... - Don't look at me!
OK, yeah. No looking. Got you. Roger.
Wow.
Looks like little Jenny's been cashing in on her superpowers.
Idiot! We don't want her to know we dropped by.
Ah.
Perfect.
(Matt) So I'm falling, I mean, hurdling through the sky.
And just as I'm about to bite it, and I mean out of nowhere,
she just catches me and sets me right on the ground.
It was unbelievable. The weird thing is, though,
that Bedlam guy, he kept asking me about you.
- Do you know him? - No, how could I know him?
- That's what I was thinking. - So what was she like?
G-Girl?
I didn't really get a good look at her, but to tell you the truth,
- she wasn't really what I expected, you know. - In what way?
- I don't know. She just seemed a little... - Brainy?
- Not really. - Exotic? Effervescent?
No, I kind of got this vibe she was a little nuts.
Nuts?! Maybe she was a little bit preoccupied,
having searched the entire city to save you
from being squished like a bug on a windshield!
You girls all really stick together, don't you?
I like it. You're like one big gang.
(horn blares)
- Rule number one about crossing the street? - Look both ways.
- That's right. - (horn blares)
Jenny!
- One of you call 911! - I'm fine. I'm fine. That was close.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
- You're not fine. How can you be fine? - Look, Matt, I can walk.
Don't move. You probably have internal bleeding and don't know it.
- No, not even a scratch. - You are in shock.
Did anyone see this? It's like a miracle. Truly, it's like a miracle.
I mean, are you sure that you're OK? I mean, you seem to be walking fine.
Yeah.
This is the first time that I've ever brought anybody here.
- Ever. - Really? Wow.
Yeah, it seems like a really great place.
I'm still just kind of wondering what the hell happened out there.
I know.
I didn't expect to do this. At least, not yet anyway.
- But it's good. It's good. - OK.
Cos what we have is so very, very special.
- I trust you. - OK.
There should be nothing hanging between us.
Especially not this, don't you think?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'll have to show you.
You look nice without your glasses. You look good with them too.
I'll hold them for you.
OK...
I don't know what the explanation is, but I like it already.
Unless it's one of those Crying Game things? It's not that, is it? I mean, I'm from Denver.
Just wait.
You got a G-Girl costume on. That's...
Kind of went all out, didn't you?
And you even dyed your...
Oh.
Wow!
Are you kidding me?
Oh, man. This is incredible.
- But you can't tell anyone! - Yeah, nobody except Vaughn.
He slept with a Victoria's Secret model, I've never heard the end of it.
- This will blow that out of the water. - No! Nobody.
Matt, you have to promise me you'll never, ever tell anyone.
- Fine, you got it. - No matter what, you will never tell anyone.
Hey, I swear.
Say you'd rather have a chain saw shoved up your ass than tell.
- Is that actually a possibility? - Say it!
I'd rather have a chain saw shoved up my ass than tell.
OK.
So this Bedlam guy, he's like your arch nemesis or something?
Uh-huh. He's been a pain in the butt ever since we had this falling out in high school.
- You guys went to school together? - Mm-hm.
Wow.
By the way, his name's not really Bedlam.
It's Barry. Barry Edward Lambert. Bedlam, get it?
Back then, we were both kind of outcasts. Everybody else hated us.
Nerd alert! Here come the geeks.
(Jenny) So we looked out for each other.
It's only natural that we spent a lot of time together.
We really liked each other.
It was close to the end of our junior year
when I decided it was about time to get the virginity thing over with.
I mean, Barry was harmless enough.
I figured it might as well be him, right?
He was having some trouble getting his pants off.
And that's when it happened.
Jenny!
- (explosion) - Come on!
This is not how I planned this evening.
Oh, my God. Look at that.
It's so cool.
- What are you doing? - Isn't it amazing?
Don't. It could be dangerous.
(screams)
(whimpers)
(Jenny) When I got back to school, even with a wig,
people noticed there was something different about me.
Hi, girls. Ooh, my glasses.
(Jenny) And it worked for me.
Hey.
Ugh!
(Jenny) Unfortunately, Barry and I grew apart.
He stopped talking to me.
And then ignored me totally.
Anyway, things got worse between us after I graduated.
I committed to being a full-time superhero
and he fell into the evil mastermind business, yada-yada-yada. That's my story.
Wow.
And this whole time, I just had this weird feeling
that there was just something a little off about you.
- Really? - You just had a secret, that's all.
- A supersecret. - Now we both do.
- May I ask you something? - What?
I just think it could maybe be a fun thing to try.
It's kind of a request.
Sure.
- Be right back. - OK.
Is this what you had in mind?
Oh, yeah. That's it.
Matt Saunders, you've been a very, very evil boy.
I think you need to be brought to justice.
Yeah. I have been known to bend a rule here and there.
Total unrelenting justice.
Hey! Wow! Shit!
- Don't let go, all right? - Oh, no.
Oh, yeah, you got me.
Scared you.
Wow.
Wow, we are high.
- We are really, really high. - Oh, yeah!
Jenny, you know, as fun as this is, I'm feeling just a little bit emasculated here,
with you kind of carrying me around like a toy poodle. But don't let go.
Careful. Where are you going? Careful. Come on. Fly right.
Be careful.
- I've always wanted to try this. - Try what?
That? Wow. I'm not sure that's gonna work up here.
It's draughty too.
What if I do this?
- You're not wearing any underwear. - Yeah. I thought it might be easier that way.
- Isn't this fun? - It is fun. Yeah.
Puts a whole new twist on the mile-high club.
(moans) Ready?
Whoa. Not ready!
- No! - Just go with it.
- Yeah, but... - I know, I know! Don't stop! Yes.
- No! - Yes!
- Oh, god, no! - Yeah!
Jenny!
Yes!
Don't ever do that again!
G-Girl's hair before.
Watch and learn.
Her body is made of the toughest substance known to man.
But I know your secret.
All right, now. G-Girl's hair after.
Yes! Yes!
- Saunders, what's wrong? - I got a splinter in my finger.
- Let me see. - It's no big deal. I can get it out, I just need...
- Come here. I'm good at this. - What are you gonna do?
Hold on.
Hey, how did you do that?
Well, I have my ways.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
Jenny, what...
What are you doing in New Jersey?
I called your office and found out where you were.
I thought I would surprise you.
- Are you surprised? - I am surprised. I wanted to...
Thanks. Good to see you. Let me introduce you to Hannah Lewis.
- This is Jenny Johnson. - Hi. It's really nice to finally meet you.
- Saunders talks about you all the time. - I do.
- I feel like I already know you. - Really?
Cos I feel like I'm just getting to know you.
OK. Hey, um... Got an idea.
Hannah and her boyfriend Steve, I was thinking, maybe we go out this weekend,
just the two couples, two happy couples, hit the town? What do you say?
- Great. - Great.
Great.
Oh, OK.
Bye.
I'm sorry, guys. I have some bad news.
- You got a little something right there. - Oh, thank you.
Steve can't make it. He had an emergency thong shoot.
- A thong shoot emergency? - Yeah, well, you know,
one bad wedgie can be fatal.
Yeah.
(fake laughter)
Where's our stupid waiter? Sir!
Hold on. Something's going on.
The Pentagon has confirmed an errant test missile
is in fact on a direct course for the tristate area.
So far, all attempts to detonate or intercept the missile have been unsuccessful.
Great. Perfect.
(newsreader) If it strikes within the city, the death toll could reach into the thousands.
- That does not sound good. - Yeah, it sounds serious.
Maybe somebody should do something.
Mm-hm, yeah, like the air force. It's theirjob, right?
So, Hannah, how long have you and Matty known each other?
Well, we started working together at Cockrum about three years ago.
We're getting reports of sporadic looting from the Bronx to Staten Island.
The government has urged people not to panic and to stay in their homes.
(sirens wail)
Mmm, gnocchi. Gnocchi sounds good. Anyone want to share a gnocchi?
I'm sorry, but what if the air force can't stop it?
Somebody else might need to step in.
Maybe somebody deserves one night out
without having to deal with some impending disaster.
I think someone has earned it. Don't you?
(horn blares, car crashes)
Are you on a diet? What are you gonna order?
I don't know. I mean, shouldn't we be leaving? Is this safe here?
Sir! Can we get some service here? I mean, I'm filling up on baguette.
I think everybody's preoccupied with what's happening.
Maybe if someone could just take care of the problem,
everyone can have a better night, a smoother night, know what I mean?
- You'd like that, wouldn't you? - Yeah, I'd appreciate it.
In fact, I'd superappreciate it.